Is Your Child Hard of Listening?

By: Diana Thompson and Betty Brittain

What is the difference between hearing and listening? Hearing is simply the act of perceiving sound by the ear. Listening, however, is something you consciously choose to do, and requires our brains to process meaning from words and sentences. Listening leads to learning.

So, have you checked your child’s hearing – or rather, listening – lately? His physical mechanics may be fine, but his listening and understanding may need some fine-tuning. All of our little angels have occasional “selective hearing” when it’s chore time or bed time, but often comprehension can get garbled even when they don’t intend it. Mixed messages can lead to both classroom confusion and playground conflict, which becomes a problem for both kids and parents. Here’s one example:  “I got all the questions right on the
test!” Jay announced on the way home from school. His carpool partner, Daniel, was silent. After Jay was dropped off at home, Daniel complained. “Jay brags about being so smart and thinks no one else can get 100 on the test. He said I’m stupid. I don’t want to be his friend anymore.”

Daniel’s mom was struck by Daniel’s interpretation. “What Jay said, and what Daniel heard, were two completely different things!” she said. “Sure, Jay was excited, but Daniel’s reaction was a bit out of proportion.” Marty, a mother of two, has experienced this phenomenon with her children as well. “They accuse each other of saying things which I know they did not say. Then, one child wants me to punish the other.”

How a child analyzes and interprets what he hears is at least half of the communication equation. Accurate interpretation is key to developing healthy relationships and a positive self-concept. When children project flawed perceptions on others, they diminish their ability to interact and respond effectively. You can help
your child improve listening skills in a number of ways using what I like to call “creative hearing aides.”
Encourage your child to ask questions such as, “Can you repeat that,” and “Did you want me to feel…?” Make these a part of your communication at home, and take the time needed to clarify meaning and intention.

If you are a referee among siblings or playmates, have each child repeat exactly what they heard word for word. Ask children to share with one another the tone or body language that conveyed misinformation.

If a child is overly sensitive and easily jumps to conclusions, an emotional inventory may be useful. Gently guide a child to recognize feelings such as jealousy, fear or anger. Feelings can create interference or static from within. Emotions are inaccurate translators, and can distort the words of others. Flawed “hearing” can increase a child’s sensitivity in social situations and result in a pattern of hurt feelings.

These steps won’t help your child much if you don’t practice what you preach. When communication issues arise, check to see if your own listening skills need fine-tuning, and train yourself to keep your own emotional responses in check by following the guidelines above. It is true that humans – adults and children alike – may hear what they expect, or what they want to hear. Is there emotional interference, or static from within?

To improve perception, always ask the question: Is that what was said, or is that what I heard?

Diana owns and operates Dramatic Adventures, Inc. delivering classes in Social, Emotional and Problem solving development for children. Look for Fairytales and Feelings and Super Hero Academy in your area. For more information call 303-377-0785 or visit our website at www.dramaticadventures.com.